Not As Much..

The Still Small Voice

 

I find my self asking  ”where is God?”

Where is He in a church that talks about a “magic being” that will take away all your hurts and make life a smooth ride from here on in and that the more money you give the more he will bless you.

In the last twelve months we have moved to Victoria, to Port Melbourne where we knew no body, my dad and grandma died and I have moved house twice and changed jobs. According to popular belief these are all in the top 10 of the most stressful things that can happen to you.

I feel friendless, stressed out, sad, and like God is not listening to me. 

 So where is this god they preach?

 For the last month myself and my three year old have been very sick. I have been coughing violently for a month  and to say I am over it is mild! That combined with sleepless nights looking after a sick toddler and I feel very very tired. In addition my house is falling to bits (tiles off the bath, water on carpet in spare room, tap running water, front door broken.) and we are renting so who knows when it will be fixed

My question remains- where is God in this?. The old me would have thought I was under some sort of spiritual attack and gone into spiritual warfare slapping about olive oil and shouting at the devil to leave me and my family alone. But I simply don’t believe in that anymore.

 Sure I could quote scripture about all things working together for good……. and not being given more than I can bear……….. etc etc but my heart is crying out ” I am not bearing this and it is to much, are you listening!!! Then I get the impression it is not Him that needs to listen but me?

My Husband prayed for me last night and at the end said simply ” I cant do it for you” Of course I said I knew that but the truth is I wish he could.

I want someone to say this is how to believe and what to say and how to act and give me the formula to everlasting happiness. It would be much easier and much less painful

I awoke in the night in a state of panic, my heart racing and my breath short. I  felt like my life was being sucked out of me. I lay there in the dark and cried out to the Holy Spirit to come an comfort me. And He did. But still today I am sick, sad and confused. Why didn’t He just heal me then and there?

How do I listen to His still small voice when my mind is loud, crabby and full of crap? I wish he would shout, be less of a gentleman, speak in an audible voice.

I am so busy with being mother, working professional, wife, house maid that God barely gets a look in these days?

Maybe that is the point?

RSS Trackback URL 14. June 2007 (13:02)
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