Sep 29
2008
lou| Category: Uncategorized |
As I sit here I am feeling like something is missing in my house. And the truth is it is. I put my 9 year old on a plane with her best friend this morning to visit my mum in Tassie for 4 days. I just spoke to her and they are planning a mid night snack and are having a ball.
My mum was amused when giving them a treat of fish fingers and chips that they asked where were the veggies and then insisted on eating raw carrots.
I cant believe she is old enough to want to go away from me let alone do it! She even packed her own suitcase, after making sure the contents matched and there were 4 complete outfits.
Its hard to believe she will be 10 next year. It seems only yesterday that we brought her home from hospital a beautiful screaming bundle of joy (she spent much of the first 18 mths of her life crying and not sleeping !) She has really matured this year and although she has a few preteen hissies is becoming a generally sensible likeable young thing.
The world is a scary place and I worry about what the future holds for her and her 2 siblings. I hope and pray Matt and I are growing them up in a way that gives them good moral grounding and a desire to love God and others around them.
She has a good heart and cant bear it when she is not liked. I see so much of me in her. The good and the bad unfortunately. God help me to show her how to not be anxious but to lean on Him as I learn to do the same. I also pray He will give me the wisdom to keep the lines of communication open so she will always be able to tell me anything even the bad stuff (God forbid it happens)
Parents think the hardest part of parenting is 0-5 and I agree it is the most time consuming, but the closer my kids get to teenagers the more I think that these will be the hardest. When they are little you have total control over every aspect of their lives. Once they hit school age years that becomes less and less until their peer group matters more than mum and dad.
Anyway I am sure she will return Friday even more mature and very much sugared out 
Sep 24
2008
lou| Category: Uncategorized |
I never thought I would say that but there it is
I love being able to express my thoughts and feelings it is very therapeutic.
I love that I get to read others experiences and ideas and have my say.
And I have met two fantastic ladies Kel , who has offered so many encouraging words when I have been so down I couldn’t see which way was up and my new friend Sue whom I met online and then met in the flesh on Sunday. I felt an immediate connection with this woman and really enjoyed our some what manic first meeting with my three kids and dog tagging along and the wind playing havoc with our brains. I am very much looking forward to dinner and chilling out for our next meeting.
Thanks ladies for your friendship and thanks blogging for without this medium I would never have met them
Sep 24
2008
lou| Category: Uncategorized |
I have lived through a life changing experience this week end.
Previous to Saturday I had begun to leave behind the belief in the supernatural. That the things about the spirit realm I was taught as part of the modern contemporary pentecostal church was based in hyper faith.
I still am appalled by the hype and formula like way these churches respond to God how ever I see now that I don’t have to throw the baby out with the bath water.
I can not describe the specifics as it is an intimate part of some one else’s journey but I can say it involved the darkness of the demonic realm and the all powerful light filled authority of Jesus.
I could write a book on what I learned from this experience but here is the dot point version
- That as a follower of Christ I am called to set the captives free
- The spiritual gifts talked about in the bible are just as real and relevant today as they were when Jesus walked the earth and they must be use with Love.
- That there is a time for loud war like prayer and but there is also a time for quiet reflection and meditation. Like everything in life it is about balance and listening to the still small voice.
- That love really does cast out all fear.
- That there is real power in the name of Jesus.
- I love being there at the birth of some ones relationship with Christ and it is a real privilege.
- That God will use those who are willing to GO not because of their ability but for their willingness to just go.
- That He really is strong when I am weak
- God can not be put in a box and their is no formula that he responds to.
- The devil is a foul creature who, with his demons, is intent on destroying as many people as he can BUT he MUST and DOES submit to Jesus Christ.
- The church (or Body of Christ) in action is an alive and powerful group of people not defined by denomination, race, monetary status, age or a building but instead a group of like minded people bound together by God’s love and a desire show people that love.
- God loves me just the way I am warts and all
I write this post as much for me as for others so that when the excitement fades and life returns to “normal” I can look back and remember these things and praise my God for his goodness and grace.
If you would like a more theological explanation of our experience check out Matt’s blog at shmatt.com he is much more able to explains the details correctly than I.
Sep 20
2008
lou| Category: Uncategorized |
Today my husband went to pray with a man who he thought he was going to “minister to”. This man and his wife are a couple who we have begun to build relationship with but who we have not shared any intimate details of out lives with.
What happened blew me away so much that I had to write about it. As they were praying the mans wife said that she felt God tell her I had been hurt and rejected as a child and carried that hurt a long time, all true, and that this hurt was further compounded by being badly treated by people who were supposed to love and protect me, also true. She said that He (God) knew about my pain and that it would soon come to an end, that His love would restore me.
I am very skeptical of these types of prayers these days and if anyone who knew my story had said that to me I wouldn’t have believe that it was God speaking. But the thing is these two did not know anything and it the only way they could have is if God told them.
I know that soon to God can seem and eternity to us and I am not so much focused on the over bit but (although I did ask how long the other day in a post ) I am just amazed that He spoke. I have been hiding from God all week, feeling annoyed lost and alone. If I was God I would not have been bothered with me. I would have put me in the to hard basket. Instead he chose someone who he knew I listen to and got them to speak to me.
He really is amazing he listens to the cry of your heart even when you are hiding it from him.
Sep 18
2008
lou| Category: Uncategorized |
I had coffee yesterday with my man and a church leader who is in the movement we tenuously belong to or maybe for me it is better to say I have never officially left. He is a really nice guy who I can clearly see wants to help Matt and I. He has some understanding of our view on church and how this may look. I do believe he is genuine in wanting to have relationship with us. Trouble is I don’t trust him.
Not his fault. If the truth be known I don’t trust anyone. In fact if I am really truthful most of the time I don’t even trust God. As I said to this guy I filter everything people say through “but what do you really mean and what do you want from me”
Here is a real life example:
Last Friday was the kids school Trivia Night. I was going to sit with some women and then they decided that I was “so social I could sit any where” and they didn’t save me a seat. Don’t get me wrong they weren’t being mean and I dont blame them at all. By the time I walked across the road to by house my stupid brain decided that these mums didn’t want me to be on their table, that I was not liked, so I didn’t go. I have since found out that there were 3 tables I could have sat at and that it was a great night.
I am sick of being broken, I am sick of fighting fear and sadness and anger and hurt. It is making me tired and sick and useless.
Is this the cross I must daily take up? If so I don’t think I really want to carry it anymore, give it to someone who is strong and resilient and who will win in the end.
How can the lost see Christ in me when I cant?
The question I have is “How Long………?”
Sep 05
2008
lou| Category: Uncategorized |
My nine year old beauty had a principal role in the school play this week. She had to sing a solo. This was a huge effort for a child who, not unlike her mother, continually questions her self worth and abilities. Seeing her up there on stage made me cry with pride.
Mouthing the words with her and praying she wouldn’t freak out when looking out to the 250 strong crowd, I’m not sure who was more nervous me or her. I would not have loved her any less if she had,I could never have done what she did at 9 or any age for that matter. I am so excited for her that she pushed through her fears and doubts and achieved what she did. So many parents congratulated her not knowing that there were a few nights when she was hysterical because it was all to hard. I am glad we pushed her a little and didn’t allow her to back out. At the time that seemed mean (especially when she was so upset) but how much better the result we have now. An increase in confidence and self worth forged by a little pain and much perseverance
I wondered today on reflection if this is how God feels when he looks down and sees one of his kids overcoming fear and insecurities. I wonder too if He gently pushes us towards things that may seem painful and hard but which in the end will see our character become strong and resilient and more like Him
And for that I thank Him. Without the past 3 years of yuck I would still have a faith that was based on a formula that some one else had taught me. I would not have a personal real relationship with Him and I would be living a life in bondage to the bright sparkly church world
Thanks for the little push, for the helping hand, the encouraging whispered words and for not giving up on me. I only hope as I stumble along trying to face my fears and doubts that You are as proud of me as I was of my little one this week
